On labels

Label Me Capable

Do you ever wonder how you could help parents of special-needs kids?

Here's the one best thing you could possibly do: http://www.livinglifewithasideofautism.com/2011/03/quiet-place.html.

From an autistic boy: A different perspective on autism and function

http://daisymayfattypants.blogspot.com/2011/02/from-autistic-boy-different-perspective.html

It doesn't always have to be a fight.

So it's not just my kid...

http://lifeasthemotherof4.blogspot.com/2011/02/friday.html

Whose Job is it, Anyway?

I love it when blogging turns into a conversation between people with similar goals, but varied experience. I've been discussing curriculum planning both here and in various online forums. I've had a number of helpful answers to various questions, usually about what I expected: I was looking for a way to teach x, and people replied that a, b, or c worked for them. Rebecca Miller surprised me with a blog post of her own in response to one of my more general questions,  What is not working in our homeschooling?

While her post was about her family's experience, it led me to consider some related questions we're dealing with. Every year as I prepare to select the materials we will use, I look over the past year and ask, "What worked? What didn't? and Where do we go from here?" The "What worked?" is obvious; let's build on our successes. The "What didn't?" can mean a variety of things. Maybe a book just didn't live up to its reviews. Maybe it just wasn't a good fit for my child's learning style. Maybe it was just too much to try to cram into our already overstuffed schedule. But there is always the possibility that, much as I'd like to, I can't blame the book. Sometimes my kid didn't put in the effort he should have, or I didn't.

That last one has been a struggle lately. Since my older son has autism, if he isn't putting in the effort, it's up to me to figure out a way to get him to do the work. But my younger son is twelve now, and needs to start learning how to take responsibility for his own work. Yes, it's a gradual process, but he usually doesn't see a need to focus because he has no idea what should be expected of a sixth grader. If it doesn't come naturally, if he has to work at it, he thinks it's too hard, and doesn't see the point of trying.

He has a vague idea that he is ahead in some subjects and behind in others (true), but no clear idea of where he should be in any given subject. We talked about it today, and I asked if he would like a chart of what needs to be done at each grade level between where he is and high school graduation. He said he would. I typed one up this afternoon. It's only a rough outline, listing the subjects he needs to study, and which books we have used / are using / are planning to use, and is subject to revision: As I see his effort and progress, I get a clearer picture of his abilities and what I can reasonably expect of him. I plan to go over it with him tomorrow. We can check off what he's already done, and I hope it will give him a more accurate picture of what he still needs to do. Then we can look at both the knowledge he needs to acquire and the skills he needs to develop, and strategize what to do when.

But I also need to observe him carefully and evaluate when to coax, support, and lead him along and when to let him stand or fall on his own. The ultimate goal is for him to take complete responsibility for his education, labor, and vocation, but what is the best method to foster this independence, and what does it look like at any given moment? How can I best model the ethic I'm trying to teach? As he learns to work more independently, what should I be doing while he's working? Folding laundry?  Reading a worthwhile book? Building model rockets? (educational, but he'd feel I was having all the fun!) Researching curriculum? Randomly browsing the Internet?

And I, too, had found something I could do a few hours a week that brought in a little money to help stretch the family budget, and even cover the costs of some CAP activities. It was only a few hours a week, but it did cut into school time. That opportunity ended, so I'm looking for a replacement. But how to fit it in without school suffering? I'd like BB to start earning some money to pay for his activities, too, and more than I could pay him, but how best to fit it in?

Most teens like to sleep late. Conventional wisdom says they should go to bed earlier. Our boys go to bed early almost every night, and they still sleep late. I don't think many teens or preteens are getting all the sleep they need, but how much is too much? Our school day runs well into the evening. I could get them up earlier, but would they finish earlier, or just be less productive due to a lack of sleep? What is the ideal amount of sleep for these boys, and at what time? How can we find time for the physical exercise they and I need? And what subjects do I cut back on, and how much, when we need to focus in another area?

Don't be discouraged by my having more questions than answers. We are making good progress in many areas. It's balance that's difficult. And I welcome your stories of what worked well for you in a particular area, or how you keep up in one thing without falling behind somewhere else. Because with so many things that need doing, it's hard to know how much of what to do when.

Regrets

I stole this from What Sweeter Music, where it had been posted by Abbi, who had naturally stolen it from Someplace Else.

”That is really amazing,” he said. ”That really is truly amazing. That is so amazingly amazing I think I'd like to steal it.”


MAN IN BLACK: Let me explain...
VIZZINI: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

If you like this, you'll love despair.com.

Home Schooling: What's working?

As I've said before, this is not an Autism Blog. It is a blog about our family's life together. Autism is a big part of our life, but it is not our whole life. Another big part of our life is home schooling. And that is one reason I haven't posted much lately. This is the time of year when I do our taxes and plan the curriculum for the coming year. If that doesn't interest you, skip this post. I'll return to autism and my other favorite topics shortly. The planning usually consists of three parts: What's working? What's not working? and Where do we go from here? So I'll start by listing what's working.

Since we school year-round, and they start a new book in each subject whenever they finish the old book, and since neither boy is necessarily in the same grade level in all subjects, there's no sharp and arbitrary division between school years.

For GL:
Reading: We continue with reading real books, mostly from the lists in the Sonlight catalog. He's made great strides in reading over the last few months. He's working through the Readers 2 Intermediate list, which means basically done with second grade, but not quite ready for third grade.

Handwriting: Handwriting Without Tears. Because of his fine motor delays, handwriting has always been a huge struggle for him. He's about halfway through My Printing Book. He needs more practice than the book provides, so I scan a few pages, print them, and have him practice them every day for a week before completing them in the workbook.

Math: After trying several different books, none of which worked for him, I ended up designing my own program. I had him listen to Addition Songs-CD (Audio Memory) every day. I would quiz him with flash cards, not holding them up, but laying them on the table a few at a time and having him match them with answer cards, since handwriting is such a struggle for him. If he didn't know the answer, he would work it out with Numicons. On the Numicons page, I went to Home > Free Resources > Display Resources > Numicon Shapes, printed out the largest size on card stock, cut them out, and laminated them.

When we first began addition facts, he would give a right answer, then several wildly wrong answers to the same problem. After about four months, he said, "Oh, you mean it's the same answer every time?" He apparently thought that since we kept asking the same questions, we must want different answers. He also had a good deal of difficulty counting objects because he tended to scatter them randomly rather than line them up (unlike his toys) and tended to count them in random order. He kept losing his place, forgetting which items he had counted, and getting different answers. I'm not sure we've entirely convinced him that the same group of objects contains the same number of objects every time you count it. After all, he seems to get a different number every time!

Numicons reduced, but did not eliminate, this difficulty. After a year of working with them, he had memorized 1+0 through 1+9, but could not see the pattern. After another year's work, he had memorized 2+0 through 2+9. He still does not see a pattern.

For BB: He started the year behind in reading, handwriting, spelling, and grammar, so we have focused on those areas this year.

Logic: Building Thinking Skills, Book 2 This worked pretty well when we used it, but this was one subject that tended to get crowded out, so he didn't get very far. I need to decide whether to skip to the next book, continue this book and order the next so we have it when we need it, or wait until we finish this book to order the next.

Math: Finished Saxon Math 7/6. We alternate Singapore and Saxon. BB started Singapore Primary Mathematics 6A in December; I expect he will finish 6B in May or June, and then proceed to Saxon Algebra 1/2.

Grammar: Building Christian English Series Grade 5, Following the Plan

BB was two years behind in grammar. This series has been working well for him, and he is catching up.

Reading: BB was also behind in reading. We're using the lists from  Sonlight, and he is making good progress. He is currently working through the Readers 4 list.

Handwriting and Spelling: Ever since he heard that Toy Story 3 was coming out, he has been working on a script for it. Once he found out how the movie turned out, he decided to continue writing his version, which eventually evolved into a Toy Story 4. I decided to offer him the choice between copying a paragraph from a book I choose or half a page of his script. He usually chooses to work on his script. When he's done, I correct the spelling, and he copies the misspelled words five times each. When he is not sure of the spelling of a word, he asks me how to spell it, and I spell it in the phonetic alphabet, which he needs to learn anyway for Civil Air Patrol. He has a long way to go in spelling, but is starting to correctly spell the words he uses most often in writing more consistently.

Science: Since we've focused on reading, writing, grammar, and math this year, science has been on the back burner. We read the occasional book and watch the occasional DVD about science, and listen to recordings like Space Songs, Lyrical Life Science, and Nature Corner. As an aside, I am tired of people who equate scientific literacy with acceptance of the current evolutionary dogma without considering actual knowledge of biology, chemistry and physics. The same people equate religious belief in a Creator with scientific illiteracy, again ignoring actual knowledge of science. Then they accuse religious schools and parents of substituting indoctrination for science. That's hypocritical. Why bring this up here? "Uncle Bob", the host of Nature Corner is a young-earth creationist. Get over it.

Art: Drawing with Children.

Typing: Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing

Map Skills: Map Skills for Today, Grade 6: All around the World Map Skills has often been crowded out this year, too.

Both Boys:

History: Story of the World Audiobook CD The link is to Volume 1. Both boys have listened to all four volumes several times through. They love these CDs, which tell history as a series of interwoven stories. Be sure to get the version read by Jim Weiss. The first two volumes were originally read by another reader who wasn't as good. Jim Weiss read volumes three and four, and his reading was so popular, the publisher had him go back and record volumes one and two.

Music: Home Discipleship Hymnbook.

Music Appreciation:
Classical Kids: Collection For each composer, there are two CDs: one with his most notable works (or excerpts from his longer works) and one with a dramatized story (historical fiction) about a child living in his time, built around actual events in his life. The last track on the music cd is always a teaser for the story. I have them listen to the music cd each day for several days, and by then they are begging for the story.
Masters of Classical Music (Box Set)

Art Appreciation: How to Use Child-size Masterpieces for Art Appreciation The boys enjoy this, but it usually gets crowded out by other subjects.

Grammar: Grammar Rock (Remember Schoolhouse Rock? These are all the grammar songs.) Conjunction Junction, what's your function?

Bible: The Daily Office podcast is a daily Bible reading you can download from iTunes or www.davidpeet.com

Catechism: Westminster Shorter Catechism Songs

Next: What's not working.

A Must-Read

A mile in his shoes

Teens and Underwear

Big Daddy Autism posted recently about his autistic son's discovery about teens and underwear. Maybe Griff can convince Goldilocks of this. He doesn't change his until someone forces him, no matter how long he's been wearing them. GL has apparently been observing other teenagers lately, because he has been wearing his pants low enough to show his underpants. But he usually has his hand in them at the time. Now he was never embarrassed about walking around with his hand in his pants, and no reason could convince him to remove his hand from his pants, and he is not embarrassed about showing his underwear. But he is embarrassed when he learns that someone has noticed his underwear is showing. So far, "I see London, I see France..." works to get him to hide his unders. He's in such a hurry to cover them, he usually pulls his hand out, too.

Don't ask me for directions - I'm just visiting Normal-town

Great post over at Life is a Spectrum.

Special Needs Blog Hop

I'm slowly working my way through the list of blogs on the Special Needs Blog Hop. I'm seeing some familiar and well-loved pages, and discovering some great new (to me) blogs, too. But I'm also finding quite a few blogs on the list that appear to have no other purpose than advertising goods and services for sale. In my book, that's SPAM. Since I didn't start this blog hop, I don't know how to remove these without removing the whole list. I guess the only thing to do is let them both grow together until the hop is done (I believe they plan to start a new one every week), then go through the list and harvest the good blogs and make my own links list in another post.


So to all the real people who found my blog through the blog hop, Welcome. To my regular readers, we now return to our regularly-scheduled blog.

My Favorite Autism Blogs

It's easy to feel lonely when your child has autism. And sad and angry and just plain tired. But especially lonely, because no matter how you explain what it's like, 99% of all the people in the world just. don't. get it. How could they? Most of them don't even know anyone with autism. Even if it affects a family they know, people with autism can be hard to get to know, and they have a hard time getting to know others. And autism takes so much of a family's emotional resources that there's little time or energy for a social life.

Even those who do get close to people on the spectrum and their families, whether professionals, volunteers, or dedicated friends, get to go home at night. For eight, ten, twelve or more hours a day, it's not their problem. Not that they aren't appreciated and even loved, so long as they remember that their empathy is necessarily limited. When they insist that they really completely understand, they prove that they don't.

So the only people who really get it are others who live with it. I wouldn't want to limit my friendships to only such people, but it's nice to know a few. I like to read their blogs, and have them comment on mine. But I have only a limited amount of time and energy. Reading and commenting on blogs, and writing my own, however therapeutic, have to fit around taking care of GL's needs, not to mention occasionally getting a little sleep and maybe even a little exercise myself. Some blogs and web sites, whether arguing for a particular treatment, or in favor of "acceptance", whether pushing a political agenda as the solution or advocating a complete withdrawal from some nonfunctional system, or just collapsing under the load in a puddle of misery or self-pity, take time and energy I can't afford, and in the end, give nothing in return.

Then there are the exceptions. The people who live this life without despair. Who tell their own day-to-day stories, not sugarcoating anything, but somehow managing to find humor, joy, peace, goodness, faith, hope, love. When I check my blogs, these are the blogs I read first. These are the ones that refill my cup and give me the strength, the grace, really, to keep on giving. I try to give back what little thanks and encouragement I can in comments, but I don't think it's possible to repay them for what they've done for me.

I hope you'll enjoy them, too. If you are affected by autism, I think you'll find them encouraging, inspiring, and sometimes laugh-out-loud funny. If you're not, I think they'll give you a new appreciation for this life, and help you be an encourager to those who live it. And maybe if we spread the word, they'll inspire more blogs like themselves.

autismherd
Big Daddy Autism
Both Hands and a Flashlight
kicking kittens (Don't be put off by the title. It refers to the attitude of some people that finding joy or humor or happiness in the middle of disability is as offensive as kicking kittens. This is a place where people can post positive and funny stories.)
Life Is A Spectrum
On the Spectrum

Join the Special Needs Blog Hop!

Why? Because!

Children with autism use language differently. If you haven't spent a lot of time with someone on the spectrum, you're probably thinking, "Huh? what does that mean?" Well, for example, they use questions differently than we do. How they use them varies from one  individual to another, but they may use a question to elicit a particular response. The response is what they want you to do. It often has nothing to do with answering the question. If they don't get the response they're looking for, they may keep repeating the question. They assume we know what response they're looking for, so it never occurs to them to explain the purpose of the question.

We do the same thing, if you think about it. When we ask a question, we usually don't know the answer, are hoping the other person does, and are looking for a particular response: we want the other person to supply the missing information. We assume the other person knows this, so it never occurs to us to explain it. When someone asks us a question, unless it's obviously rhetorical, we assume that: 1. they don't know the answer, 2. they think we may know the answer, and 3. they are expecting us to provide them the missing information. It rarely, if ever, occurs to us that they could have any other reason for asking the question, unless there's some complicating social context.  Big Daddy Autism gave an excellent example today.

Until recently, GL never asked "why" questions, and treated our "why" questions as extraneous noise. Like "maybe", "why" was one of those totally meaningless words that his bizarre parents inexplicably attached enormous importance to. For about a year now, he has been experimenting with "why" questions.

Of course, like all questions, he uses them differently than we do. When he asks a question, and especially when he asks the same question repeatedly, he ignores our answers, which are irrelevant. His purpose in asking a question is usually to get us to repeat the question back to him, so he can supply the answer, whether to demonstrate his knowledge, reassure himself that the answer hasn't changed (usually the case with schedule questions) or to entertain. (This is the traditional method of using riddles in stand-up, which is how he delivers riddles. Unfortunately, most of his "riddles" are simply non sequiturs. To quote Veggie Tales, "Mine was funny. Yours was just... weird." And if something is funny once, it's just as funny the 500th time as the first.)

He has figured out that the answer to a "why" question begins with "because", but he isn't at all clear on what "because" means. He's a bit nebulous on the whole idea of cause and effect. I'm a bit dense about his rules, so I'll usually answer the same question a few dozen times in an hour before I remember I'm supposed to repeat it back to him.

For example,
GL (for the hundredth time): Dad, is Rex the dinosaur [from Toy Story] a leaf-eater?
Dad (for the hundredth time): No, Rex is a predator.
GL: Dad, is Rex the dinosaur a leaf-eater? 
(lightbulb goes on)
Dad: GL, is Rex the dinosaur a leaf-eater? 
GL: No, Rex is a predator.
(end conversation)

GL (for the hundredth time): Dad, what day is it, what time is it?
Dad (for the hundredth time): Look at the clock.
(Our clock displays time, date, day of the week, and indoor temperature. The outdoor temperature sensor is broken. It was a really cool chiropractic school graduation gift in 2003.)
GL: It says two three zero on a Wednesday. What do we do on Wednesday?
Dad: We go to therapy on Wednesday.
GL: Dad, what day is it, what time is it?
Dad: Look at the clock.
GL: It says two three one on a Wednesday. What do we do on a Wednesday?
(lightbulb goes on)
Dad: GL, what do we do on a Wednesday?
GL: We go to therapy.
(end conversation)

GL (for the hundredth time): Dad, why is the sky blue?
(A lightbulb goes on, and Dad stops talking about particles and oxygen and wavelengths.)
Dad: I don't know, GL, why is the sky blue?
GL: Because we can walk on them! Hahahahahaha! Dad, why is the sky blue?
(repeat ad nauseam)

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

The Accidental Expert, over at Raising Complicated Kids complains, and rightly so,

"Whoever said 'God only gives you what you can handle' has clearly never stepped foot in my house.  If they had, they would have just shut up.  At least I wish they would."  

When someone says that God won't give me more than I can handle, I look them in the eye and say, "I believe God does give me more than I can handle, and He does it intentionally." I let them squirm a minute, and then explain, "Because if He didn't, why would I need Him?"

Fall Cleaning Day 2/3 Mozart in the Morning

I was tired last night, so I went to bed early. For me, that means around 10 p.m. Usually when I do that, I either can't sleep, or wake up in a couple hours and can't get back to sleep. This time I slept until 8:30, and woke up refreshed. GL slept until 9. That's different! Got some breakfast, started the laundry, got the boys started on their chores, and put on The Masters of Classical Music - Mozart. I think this will be a productive day!

Fall Cleaning

October is here, so it's once again time for Fall Cleaning. 

"Don't you mean Spring Cleaning?" you ask, "and isn't this the wrong season?" No, I mean Fall Cleaning. After you've been cooped up in the house all winter and are beyond cabin fever, ready to go stir crazy if you have to spend one more minute within these four walls with these impossible people, can you think of a stupider way to use the first warm, sunny spring day than inside, cleaning house? And who's going to notice, anyway? As the weather improves, everyone wants to spend more time outdoors. By the time you're back inside for any appreciable time, the house is already dirty again.

Now on cold, rainy days in October and November, when you just had all summer, and usually some good weather in September to be outside, you don't miss being out there; you've had your fill. It's not that cold out yet, but it's wet and windy. Your domestic environment is showing signs of months of lick and a promise housekeeping. You have summer clothing and equipment for summer activities to put in storage. You have stuff that has somehow multiplied when you weren't looking and is beginning to crowd you out of the house. The look of the place has gone from lived-in to depressing. And you'll be spending the majority of your time indoors for the next few months. 

 One of the advantages of doing school all summer is that we can afford to take time off when we need it. We're taking a week off school to clean house. Before we made this decision, BB had to agree that if he was going to get the time off, he was going to have to help clean. And Mama Bear made me promise that I would spend the week cleaning and not just blogging about it. That goes for reading blogs, too. So I've been trying to catch up on my blogs this week, and linking some good stuff. (Don't tell Mama, but I'll try to sneak back and report on our progress, too.)

Why Homeschool?

Over at The Homeschool Apologist, Arby, of Boarding in Bedlam fame, posted a link to an article that asks, "Why Homeschool?" and comes up with an answer that you don't hear too often, but one that reflects a reason very important to our family. Most families these days, and even many homeschooling families, are careful and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful.

Could you help welcome new readers?

I need help because a link on Homeschooling Bloggers Haven has brought some new readers to Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I want them to enjoy the same posts as my long-time readers. Would you please list your favorite posts in the Comments? I'll compile them into a "top ten" list (or more, no one says it has to be ten) so new readers can get the flavor of the blog. It will also give me a better idea what you'd like to hear about in future posts.