Autism Spectrum Quote

The eyes are the windows of the soul…
SO STOP STARING INTO MY WINDOWS!

I've been busy with my annual cleaning. It's hard to keep up from day to day with all the messes GL makes. Today GL said, "Hey! Dad stole the jelly off the doorknobs!"

I walk into the bathroom and stand in front of the toilet. GL follows me into the bathroom, watches me unzip, and says, "Hi, Dad. What are you doing?"

Dolphin Tale

A friend took GL to see Dolphin Tale this morning. He was so excited, when he got home, he ran through the door and shouted, "Hi, Mr. um, hi, Dad! Guess what? I saw a movie!"

BB asked, "What movie did you see?"

GL answered, "A Dolphin's Tale. It's about dolphins being saved by people. You wouldn't understand it. Maybe when you're older, I'll teach you about dolphins."

Walking home from the library this morning, we met an elderly woman.
Elderly Woman: "Hello."
Goldilocks: "Hello! and Welcome to the Bonus Features!"

Stollen

Papa Bear's Papa brought us some baked goods. He said, "This is stollen, but I didn't break any Commandments."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stollen

How Was School Today?

Like Big Daddy Autism, I have a hard time finding out what my son did in school. He rarely volunteers information, and when he does, it's unreliable. If I ask what he did at school, I may or may not get an answer. If I get an answer, it may or may not have anything to do with school. If it has anything to do with school, it may or may not have anything to do with reality.

He has recently learned to lie, but his lies are usually so absurd no one would believe them. On the rare occasions he hits on a believable story, given his record, we are still skeptical. But once in a while he tells the truth, just to mix things up a bit. And he does some strange things sometimes, which he may or may not realize are strange and may or may not tell us about.

Here is an example of a conversation we had about an event I'm pretty sure never occurred:
PB: What did you do in school today?
GL: I went to the gym.
PB: What did you do in gym?
GL: My teacher made me do push-ups and sit-ups until I threw up.
PB: How many did you do?
GL: Four.

Literally

All day yesterday, GL had been whining that he needed an "adventure". An "adventure" is when someone gets in the car with him, drives at least the minimum distance he thinks necessary, and buys him a snack. If either the drive or the snack don't meet his satisfaction, the "adventure" doesn't count. And as soon as anyone agrees to a particular snack, he starts negotiating upward.

MB was planning to go grocery shopping and, while GL would count that as an adventure, (provided the snack meets with his approval) taking him along is usually more adventure than MB wants to deal with. I had to be elsewhere, so I couldn't watch the boys. MB decided she could handle bringing GL if BB would help by getting items off the shelf and into the cart while she pushed the cart, read the list, and tried to contain GL. In the car, on the way to the store, MB reviewed her expectations with the boys: "We are going grocery shopping. BB, I want you to get things off the shelf as I read them from the list. GL, I want you to hold on to the cart. And you're going to have to move."

"But-but-but," said GL, "I don't want to move! I like our house!"

Griffin would have been proud.

Holes

People on the Autism Spectrum tend to have uneven development. They may excel far beyond their peers in one area, yet lag far behind their general developmental level in another, while a skill you would assume they would have, given their development in other areas, may be missing entirely. These "holes" or "gaps" can give results on cognitive and social developmental tests that have been compared to Swiss cheese.

Before enrolling GL at the local high school this fall, we took him to his doctor for a checkup and to get the immunizations recommended for a high school freshman. In the exam room, a nurse set out a copy of the same developmental questionnaire we answer at all his checkups, the one for typically-developing 0-6 year olds. GL picked it up and began reading the questions aloud. The nurse said, "Maybe I should get the 6-12 year old form."

GL answered, "No, I still can't cross the street by myself."

Someone had this for a Facebook profile pic. If you copy it, you're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

It's a Rule!

Every time we go anywhere, no matter how routine, we review the rules for that place with GL. He doesn't come up with the same rules every day, so that lets me know which rules he's forgetting. Of course, sometimes he makes up his own. As we were preparing to leave for the library yesterday, I asked, "What are the rules for the library?"

He answered, "No shouting, no yelling, no red meat!"

"Invent a wise saying and live forever!" - Anonymous

BB: GL, don't stick a light saber up my nose!

And in this corner... Voltaren!

So many big things have been happening that I haven't had enough time to write about them, so I try to post the occasional little thing when I get the chance. I woke up one morning with a sore left wrist. I'm not sure why, maybe I rolled over on it in my sleep. I figured it would feel better in a day or two. It didn't. In addition to the continuous dull pain, I started feeling a sharp pain whenever I turned that hand palm up. Turning a key was especially painful. I never realized how many times a day I unlock a door with my left hand, usually because I'm carrying something with my right. Bending my wrist toward the pinky side also produced a sharp pain. That sounds like an easy enough movement to avoid, but lifting anything heavier than a coffee cup apparently causes my wrist to droop enough to that side to hurt. This was all inconvenient, but I figured I could live with it, and it wouldn't last long.

After two weeks of it not getting any better, I decided to see my doctor. I said, "Doc, my wrist hurts when I bend it this way." She said, "So don't bend it that way." She did take X-rays to rule out arthritis or fracture. (Maybe a stress fracture? or an old fracture that didn't heal properly? But I've never had a fracture.) So that leaves tendonitis. She gave me a brace to remind me not to bend it that way. I already had the pain to remind me, but the brace reminds me before I bend it far enough that it hurts. Presumably, that reminder also prevents me from doing further damage. I'm supposed to call her if it's not better in two weeks. She gave me a prescription for Voltaren Gel, which sounds like the name of a comic book super-villain. Or possibly a pro wrestler. Or as Dave Barry would say, "That would make a great name for a rock band."

Ouch!

GL bumped his arm.
GL: Ouch! I bumped my arm! I think it's broken!
BB: Can you move it?
GL: Yes.
BB: If you can move it, then it's not broken.
GL: You mean I won't have to get a sling and crutches?

GL (annoyed with BB): "Stop acting like yourself!"

Why don’t you just… ?

Sarah at Kitaiska Sandwich raised some interesting points in this post, but a couple of paragraphs really jumped out at me:

Special-needs parents get a lot of advice from therapists, teachers, and other professionals. There is a difference between advice about how to address a particular, narrowly defined problem (which is part of your job), and general parenting advice (which is not). And the difference matters. You may be an expert in your field. And your field may be child psychology, or speech pathology, or pediatrics, or early childhood education. And I may come to you for advice in the field in which you are qualified. But I’m no more interested in your opinions about being a parent than I am in my veterinarian’s opinion about mutual funds.

I will admit that I feel differently about advice from other parents of kids with disabilities, mental illness, or other special needs. But I have also noticed that few of them are offering unsolicited advice. Probably because they’ve been on the receiving end of so much of it that, like me, they are very aware of how that kind of advice is usually received.

Papa Bear's Papa Went Where?

Brother Bear: Here comes [Papa Bear's Papa]!
Goldilocks: PBP is in Africa.
Mama Bear: PBP is in Arkansas.
GL: Close enough!

Regrets

I stole this from What Sweeter Music, where it had been posted by Abbi, who had naturally stolen it from Someplace Else.

”That is really amazing,” he said. ”That really is truly amazing. That is so amazingly amazing I think I'd like to steal it.”


MAN IN BLACK: Let me explain...
VIZZINI: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

If you like this, you'll love despair.com.

Teenage Boys

GL: I can fart the alphabet!