Tardy

GL's school personnel may not be good at communicating with each other, much less with parents, but they try. For one thing, whenever a student is absent or tardy, the attendance office sends his or her parents an email. Otherwise, I would never have known anything happened yesterday. I'm still not sure what happened.

Usually I can ignore these emails. Occasionally they reveal some quirk of school policy. (Did you know that if the entire class takes an all-day educational field trip on the school bus with the teacher and all the classroom aides, it counts as an excused absence?) If he was sick or had to come late or leave early for a doctor's appointment or something, I already know about it because I called him in. I suppose if a kid decided to cut class or ditch school entirely after leaving for school or being dropped off at school, or just didn't bother going after his or her parents left for work, this would alert the parents. But GL is in the same classroom all day, and has staff walk him to and from lunch, so it would be hard for him to cut class or be tardy even if he wanted to. He can't cross the street by himself, so even if he left the building, there isn't much of any place he could go. And he loves school. He is disappointed or even angry when he has a day off. So imagine my surprise when I got an email last night that he had unexcused tardies for first and second period yesterday.

One thing we are doing differently is breakfast. He never likes to eat breakfast, and tends to put off eating as long as he can in the morning, and sometimes into the afternoon. This makes him grumpy, and his behavior deteriorates. We tried last year to get him to eat something every morning before school, knowing it would make his day go more smoothly. Sometimes he would eat, and sometimes he wouldn't. About halfway through the school year, he decided he wasn't going to eat breakfast any more. If you know autism, you know how stubborn he can be once he makes his mind up like this. But he loved lunches in the school cafeteria. Since he has a limited number of foods he will eat, we checked to be sure there was always something available that was on his list. They have pizza available every day. He was thrilled. At first he ate pizza every day, but he gradually started trying other foods on the menu, even foods he won't eat at home. Since the cafeteria also serves breakfast, we decided to try it this year. We prepaid his meal plan with enough money for breakfast and lunch for the first six weeks.

As a sophomore, he already knew his way around the school, but I wasn't sure if he would walk from the cafeteria to the classroom after breakfast without someone prompting him, so the first day, I dropped him off at the cafeteria and let his teacher and aides know where he was in case he didn't show up for class. For the first month, I dropped him off each morning, he got his breakfast, ate it, and went to class. When I got the email last night, I asked him if he went to class after breakfast. He said that an aide came and told him to go to class, but he wasn't finished drinking his milk, so he said no.  He didn't have an explanation for the second period.

Since I'd dropped him off on time or early, couldn't imagine why he took longer eating than usual. So this morning, I followed him to see his routine. He walked to the cafeteria, got a scrambled egg and cheese bagel (he never eats eggs at home) and a carton of milk. He sat down, ate quickly, and threw his trash away. Then he walked to his classroom. No one was there, so he got a schedule sheet and started filling it out for the day. When his teacher arrived, I asked her about his tardies, relating his story about the aides coming to get him, and his refusal. She said that he had been getting himself to class on time every day, and they did not have enough staff to send anyone too look for him if he didn't show up in the classroom. He had just walked in with no explanation after she had already taken attendance and marked him absent, so she assumed we had dropped him off after class started. She said she had not marked him tardy for second period, so that must have been an error in the attendance office.

I don't know where he was during the ten minutes or so he should have been in class. The story about his refusal may well be a fabrication, but questioning him further is pointless. When we question him about events, he assumes he is in trouble, and his stories keep changing, getting further and further from reality. Maybe he needed to make an extra-long trip to the restroom. He is extremely private about that, to the extreme of denying that he had a bowel movement, recently or ever. Maybe it was something else. Since he has been so reliable until yesterday, I hope this was a one-time event. Tracking down what actually happened would be difficult to impossible.

Schedules

I've been wanting to tell you about GL's transition to the public school, but I haven't had much time to write. One thing we insisted on in his IEP was that he start out with one class period per day and gradually work up to a full day. I'm sure he's capable of a full day, but he's not capable of making such a big transition all at once. He is now up to about a half day, but because of scheduling complications, he starts school at a different time every day of the week.

On top of that, his school has numerous late starts and early dismissals built into their calendar. There's a minimum of one late start and one early dismissal per month, but most months have more. October has many more. A late start can be a two hour delay or a three hour delay. A scheduled early dismissal is a half day. There was an unscheduled early dismissal in early October so students could pay their respects to a teacher who had been killed in a motorcycle accident. IIRC, school let out an hour and a half early that day. On the days they have a late start or early dismissal, all classes still meet, but the class periods are shortened. I have three pages of charts to read to figure out what time to take him to school and what time to pick him up each day.

Today, I misread the schedule. On Thursdays, he has only one class, which meets second period. We arrived at the same time as all the other students. I checked and found out that today was a two hour delay. There was no place we could hang out for an hour, so we had to walk back home, wait half an hour, and walk back to school. Naturally, this did not sit well with GL. He handled it admirably, but I'm sure we'll pay for it later.

First Day of School or, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth

Yesterday was GL's first day of high school, first day of public school, and first day of anything but home school. On the whole, it went very well, but there was some confusion about his schedule.

Back in May, when we worked out his IEP, we insisted on starting him with one class period a day, and gradually adding to his schedule as he adapted to a full day of classes. At home, when I gave him an assignment, he would hurry to complete it so he could have free time. When he was on-task, he would finish his work in about an hour. His school has four 95-minute class periods a day. We felt this change, on top of the social adjustment of just being in school would be a bit much for him to take all at once. And so it was written in his IEP.

About three weeks before school started, I looked on the school web site to see if we needed to do anything else to complete his enrollment. The web site said there was an online registration, and parents would be getting an instruction packet in the mail the following week. I waited a week, and no packet. I downloaded the packet from the school web site. It said to go online and enter the user name and password that had been mailed with the packet. I called the school to get a user name and password. They said they had no record of GL in their computers. I explained that he was a freshman, but was coming from home school rather than the local middle school, and that we had already met with his IEP team and they had written his IEP. They said we would have to meet with a guidance counselor and set up his schedule before they could put him in the computer.

We made an appointment and met with his guidance counselor, who had been in the IEP meetings, but hadn't said much. He said that since the class period GL was starting with was second period, and was vocational, not academic, he thought it would be better to start him with two classes: his first period class, where he would be in a classroom with his main teacher, and second period, where he would be going through the school collecting the recycling. We hesitated for a moment, but we thought it would be good to start him with an academic class right away and, since he had enjoyed the recycling when he visited, he could probably handle that afterwards. So, under the impression he had cleared it with the necessary people, we agreed.

At New Student Orientation, where freshmen get their official schedules, locker assignments, and combinations, there was none for GL. But we saw his counselor there, and he assured us that the verbally-agreed-on schedule was set.

The day before school started, I got a phone call alerting me that on the first day, there would be a brief homeroom meeting, and first and second period would be delayed. Since his first period class is in his homeroom, it sounded fine to me, so I just confirmed what time to bring him to school and what time to pick him up. I dropped him off for homeroom at the agreed-on time, and all appeared well. When I picked him up, the person who met me at the door said that everything had worked out fine today, but we really needed to stick to his IEP and consult with his teacher before making schedule changes.

I explained that it was fine with us either way, but that his counselor had suggested the change and we agreed, thinking everyone was on board. She said she would check into it, but to bring him only to second period on Friday, and she would find out what to do about his schedule for next week.

Later that afternoon, I called back to find out what time to bring him for second period, since I didn't have the schedule firmly in my memory, and we had nothing in writing. That's when I found out what had happened. His counselor had come up with the idea of the schedule change. He had called GL's teacher at home and, not having a copy of GL's IEP in front of her, she agreed. So he made the change without telling anyone else. We were caught in the middle, not knowing what was going on, and everyone under the impression that we had made the change and had left  them out of the decision. I explained that we were happy to go along with either plan, we just needed to know what time to bring GL to school and what time to pick him up.

So it was settled that we would stick to the original plan: GL will start with one class period a day, recycling, second period, and we will meet with his teacher and discuss adjusting his schedule at the parent-teacher conferences at the end of the month.

Question of the Week returns

I participate in several Yahoo groups related to homeschooling, disabilites, and other topics. One of the group moderators had started posting a "Question of the Week" as a discussion starter. I enjoyed reading the questions, responding, and reading the responses, but it took time away from blogging. Since the topics were generally related to the topics I blog about, I decided to post some of my responses here. Shortly after,   the moderator found herself busy with other obligations, and the Question of the Week fell by the wayside. She's back, and has given the Question of the Week its own Yahoo group.

Usually the question is a single sentence, but this week we have some background story:

I am having a day where I would like to scream, yell, and cry all at the same
time. My kids are fighting non-stop--actually escalated into a fist fight and
school is completely unproductive today.

I have older teens, so I run into great difficulty when it comes to coming up
with disciplinary measures. My kids have activities almost every day and
evening--and I would love to remove them--but other people depend on my kids to
participate in them, such as being Cub Scout Den Chiefs. So I feel that taking
those things away would really be more of a penalty to the others that depend on
them. I have thought about removing computer, cell phone, electronic games, but
I am not sure how effective that would be.

I don't take the approach that "boys will be boys"--and I do generally
discipline them; but apparently what I have done in the past is not working; and
I am really frustrated today with my kids.

I don't know if they just need a break from each other as they do spend so much
time together and do nearly all of the same stuff. I can't figure it out; I
just know that I feel like a parental failure today.

I need some creative ideas.

What do you all do for disciplinary measures in your home?

You can read the responses there. Here's mine:

My boys are 14 and 12, and they excel at annoying each other. When one of them wants attention or is just bored, he finds his brother and tries his most effective annoyance techniques, one after the other, until he gets a response. Despite hundreds, perhaps thousands, of repetitions, he is still surprised when his brother finally gets mad and yells at him. It just never seems to occur to either boy that:

1. Although these behaviors get attention, it may not be the kind of attention he wants.

2. If he annoys his brother enough, his brother will get mad.

3. When his brother gets mad, he will yell at him, and possibly hit him.

4. This will make Mom and Dad unhappy.

5. Mom and Dad are already unhappy with him, because his brother is supposed to be doing schoolwork, and even if his brother has kept his temper so far, he is distracting him.

6. If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

7. He started this whole process, and could have avoided it by leaving his brother alone. 

The brother who started it thinks the other brother started it by hitting him. To him, bringing up what he did is only changing the subject. If we keep bringing the conversation back to what he did, he will finally admit that he did something, but minimize it: "All I did was tickle his neck."

Neglecting to mention (even refusing to admit, if it's pointed out) that:

1. Brother hates having his neck tickled.

2. He knew this, and did it anyway.

3. He had already done 47 other things specifically designed to annoy his brother.

Punishment has not been effective, since each boy believes he is entirely innocent, and we are punishing him for his brother's actions. We do point out the above-mentioned facts, and maybe, with time, repetition, and maturity, they may begin to sink in. Perhaps the boys will someday allow the possibility that we might be right on one or more points.

In the mean time, they have work that needs done. If they are both working, I put them in separate rooms where I can keep an eye on them, but they can't see or hear each other. If one of them finishes before the other, he is allowed, and on most days required, to find a quiet activity in a place where he can't bother his brother, and his brother can't bother him. 14 yos usually goes to his room to watch a DVD (with headphones). 12 yos usually goes to the basement to play LEGO. We've recently discovered (with his concentration issues, who'd have thought?) that 12 yos can take his schoolwork to the public library (two blocks away) and actually be focused and productive. 

Once they have both finished their schoolwork for the day, they usually get along better. If they don't we separate them.

School's race rule prompts mom to pull kids out

This is just sad:

JACKSON, Miss. – A policy intended to achieve racial equality at a north Mississippi school has long meant that only white kids can run for some class offices one year, black kids the next. But Brandy Springer, a mother of four mixed race children, was stunned when she moved to the area from Florida and learned her 12-year-old daughter couldn't run for class reporter because she wasn't the right race. (Link) 

It's amazing how much you can get done when you have a big enough project to put off.

Dad as Teacher

In an online home schooling forum, a mom whose 13 yos has been dragging his feet during the day has been considering having Dad teach him in the evening, when she's at work. She had a few questions about what to do with him during the day, and what activities he could be involved in when his evenings are taken. Here's my reply:

We have an unusual situation with some similarities. I am the primary teacher, and Mom works five nights a week. We have two boys, 13 and 10 (11 next week). 13 yo has autism. When I was the breadwinner and Mom the main teacher, if they wouldn't listen to her, I'd talk to them, and they'd straighten up. When I lost my job, Mom started working, and I became the primary teacher. We've kept it that way because they're making more progress academically with me, but when they give me the same attitude they gave Mom, now she comes home and lays down the law. I guess that's why God gave them two parents! ;-)

Most outside activities are scheduled in the evenings or on the weekend because of the PS schedule. If your son is going to "night school", evening activities will be limited, (remember when parents strictly limited their kids' activities on a school nights?) but weekends may still be available. I don't have an answer about cost. Sometimes I feel like the people planning these activities assume that all parents would rather have their kids away all the time, so the parents could be at work, earning money for more activities!

I mentioned Civil Air Patrol in another thread. Meetings are one night a week, but most activities are on the weekend. I was looking for an activity for 10yos, but I was so impressed with the organization, I joined it myself. We plan to do it together once he's 12. So far, the cost has been reasonable.

I don't know what's available in your area, but I have taken the boys on field trips to local museums during the day. We have one free museum. It's not huge, but since it's free, we don't mind going for just an hour or two. For those that charge admission, don't go on free day; that's when all the schools go. Hanging out with Mom doesn't sound so bad when the alternatives are dishes or algebra!

We recently had a discussion with 10 yo about how long he has to spend on school. The typical school day in Middle School is 6-7 hours. I lay out a reasonable amount of work in each subject. If he finishes early, fine, he has more free time. If he drags his feet, he still owes me 6 hours. When I was in 7th grade, I went to school all day, and spent the evenings doing homework. I don't know how independently your son works now, but could Dad give him an assignment to be completed during the day? If he wastes his time, that's not your problem; he has Dad to answer to. He might have to start small (read a page or two, or do a few math problems) and build from there. By mid high school, he ought to get some basic instructions and complete all his assignments independently. At least that's what we're aiming for here.

I don't know what chores your son does, but our 10 yo is responsible for all the dishes for a family of four. We have a dishwasher, and he gathers any dishes that didn't make it to the sink, loads and unloads the dishwasher, washes all the hand-wash, and puts the clean dishes away. A 13 yo could do all the dishes even without a dishwasher, or be responsible for the family's laundry. (Assuming a similar family size.) Checklists have been very helpful here. They let him insure that he's not forgetting anything without feeling that we're nagging him.

We do use some educational DVDs and computer games, but no DVDs or computer time until they are done with school and chores! As for friends' and family's expectations, all I can say is that people can be unreasonable, and unless they are harassing your dc, there's not a lot you can do about it. It helps that I have one sister who does the online PS-at-home thing, and considers that home schooling, but the rest of the family thinks we're a little nuts. Of course, they already thought that anyway.

Concealed Weapons in School

(During Grammar)
Me: What's that tapping sound?
Brother Bear: Oh, that's my sword.
Me: I think it's a distraction. Could you put it away, please?
BB: Okay. (Hangs sword on an adjacent chair.)
Me: When you go to school, I think you have to check your sword at the door.
BB: Is that a rule?
Me: It is now.

So the new rule is: You can bring weapons to school; you just can't play with them during class.