Today I'm stealing a note my sister left on Facebook:
Bits of Motherly Wisdom I never dreamed I'd say to my kids, but actually did
Yesterday at 10:52am
As a mom, I sometimes find myself saying things to my kids that my mom used to say to me, and even things that her mom used to say to her. For example: When I'm planning a surprise--"Keep your eyes and ears open, and your mouth shut, and you"ll find out." Or at mealtime--"If it tastes funny then giggle while you eat it." Regarding a lost item (perhaps a pair of shoes) "Last time I wore them, I put them away." On hearing the complaint I'm bored--"Only boring people get bored." And the one I remember hearing a lot, "If you ask me again, the answer is no."
But there are bits of motherly wisdom that somehow I just never imagined I'd say to my kids. I decided last year that I should start a list of these. I promise you that there is a perfectly logical explanation for each of these statements. And no, neither I or my children, have committed any crimes.
So here they are:
"But I don't need the sword right now, I'm not fighting any pirates tonight."
"Don't kiss your broccoli."
"Be a whispering peacock."
And it's companion quote
"Don't ask the peacock to chase you!"
"You can't sue a peach can."
"I can't understand you when you talk with a car in your mouth."
"And where did you put the dead body?"
"Don't tell people that you suck on your monkey's ear."
"You can't brush your teeth with your sword."
"You may pick your nose, but you're not supposed to tell people about it."
"Don't burn your lips kissing your gun."
"I can't understand you when you talk like a whale."
"Don't use your sword to pick your nose."
"Don't wash your armpits with your iced tea."
"Stop chewing on Batman."
"Stop sucking on the car."
And the strange movie quote that I use on sunny mornings to wake my kids up for school, "The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and my giant chicken has defeated Elmo."
Labels: Humor, Mama Said, Quotes, rules, Something to Offend Everyone