Happy Birthday, Brother Bear

Dear Son,

This week you turn 11. For the past 11 years, we have been making most of your decisions for you. For the next seven years, we will be teaching you to make your own decisions. After that, we hope you will still come to us for advice, but you will be responsible for your own choices. Choose wisely. You have already made the most important decision of all, the choice to follow Jesus. Always remember that that is a choice you must make again every day. Choose to do right. Choose to be useful. Choose to be generous. Choose to be thoughtful. Choose to be kind. Choose to be happy wherever He leads you. We are proud of the boy you are and of the young man you are becoming.

Love, Mom and Dad

The Kids down the Street are gone

Shortly after Christmas, TKDTS abruptly stopped hanging around here. They stopped playing with GL and BB. GL kept saying, "I need to go play with my friends." He came back once and said they told him to go away. I never found out why. He kept going back to ask them to play, so I went over to ask if he was bothering them. When I knocked on the door, I heard loud arguing inside, but no one would come to the door. I brought GL home. A couple weeks later, I stopped seeing them around the neighborhood. They had been living with relatives. I think they moved out.

Today I saw a blog post about neighborhood kids that made me smile.

Goldilocks' Way

GL has his own way of asking questions. For example, instead of asking, "Is this shoe on the right foot?" he points to it and asks, "Is this on the right shoe?" If it is, he points to the other foot and asks, "Is this one on the right shoe?"

It's a Rule!

If something happens repeatedly, then in GL's mind, it's a rule. He is very rigid about keeping rules, and gets very angry when others break them. The problem is, his idea of the rules is a bit muddled. For example:

He can only tolerate a limited selection of flavors and textures, and they change from time to time. When they change, he will taste, but not eat, until he finds one or more new foods he can tolerate. Hunger has nothing to do with it. The conventional wisdom is to withhold the foods he wants, and eventually he'll get hungry enough to eat whatever we give him. That might work with most kids, but not GL. When he couldn't find a new food, he once went three weeks on nothing but milk and water. He was four.

During another of his periods of not eating, we were beginning to worry. He had stopped eating his usual foods one after the other. He was down to Kraft macaroni and cheese, Jif peanut butter and Great Value strawberry preserves on Sara Lee 100% whole wheat bread with the crusts cut off, and Dean's chocolate ice cream. Yes, he was that specific, and it was becoming hit or miss whether he would eat at all. He was already near the top of the charts for height, and near the bottom for weight when he grew an inch and lost five pounds. That was nearly ten percent of his body weight at the time. So, if he wanted ice cream, we gave him ice cream. He needed the calories.

Eventually, he started eating again, a few of his old foods, and a few new foods. He rapidly regained the weight he had lost, plus enough to put him in the normal range. But he wanted ice cream all the time. We couldn't keep it in the house. And while his weight was now normal, the rate of gain showed no sign of slowing down. So whenever he asked for ice cream, we started telling him to eat something else first. Now he insists the rule is that whenever he eats a peanut butter sandwich, even if it's for breakfast, he gets ice cream.

Dad as Teacher

In an online home schooling forum, a mom whose 13 yos has been dragging his feet during the day has been considering having Dad teach him in the evening, when she's at work. She had a few questions about what to do with him during the day, and what activities he could be involved in when his evenings are taken. Here's my reply:

We have an unusual situation with some similarities. I am the primary teacher, and Mom works five nights a week. We have two boys, 13 and 10 (11 next week). 13 yo has autism. When I was the breadwinner and Mom the main teacher, if they wouldn't listen to her, I'd talk to them, and they'd straighten up. When I lost my job, Mom started working, and I became the primary teacher. We've kept it that way because they're making more progress academically with me, but when they give me the same attitude they gave Mom, now she comes home and lays down the law. I guess that's why God gave them two parents! ;-)

Most outside activities are scheduled in the evenings or on the weekend because of the PS schedule. If your son is going to "night school", evening activities will be limited, (remember when parents strictly limited their kids' activities on a school nights?) but weekends may still be available. I don't have an answer about cost. Sometimes I feel like the people planning these activities assume that all parents would rather have their kids away all the time, so the parents could be at work, earning money for more activities!

I mentioned Civil Air Patrol in another thread. Meetings are one night a week, but most activities are on the weekend. I was looking for an activity for 10yos, but I was so impressed with the organization, I joined it myself. We plan to do it together once he's 12. So far, the cost has been reasonable.

I don't know what's available in your area, but I have taken the boys on field trips to local museums during the day. We have one free museum. It's not huge, but since it's free, we don't mind going for just an hour or two. For those that charge admission, don't go on free day; that's when all the schools go. Hanging out with Mom doesn't sound so bad when the alternatives are dishes or algebra!

We recently had a discussion with 10 yo about how long he has to spend on school. The typical school day in Middle School is 6-7 hours. I lay out a reasonable amount of work in each subject. If he finishes early, fine, he has more free time. If he drags his feet, he still owes me 6 hours. When I was in 7th grade, I went to school all day, and spent the evenings doing homework. I don't know how independently your son works now, but could Dad give him an assignment to be completed during the day? If he wastes his time, that's not your problem; he has Dad to answer to. He might have to start small (read a page or two, or do a few math problems) and build from there. By mid high school, he ought to get some basic instructions and complete all his assignments independently. At least that's what we're aiming for here.

I don't know what chores your son does, but our 10 yo is responsible for all the dishes for a family of four. We have a dishwasher, and he gathers any dishes that didn't make it to the sink, loads and unloads the dishwasher, washes all the hand-wash, and puts the clean dishes away. A 13 yo could do all the dishes even without a dishwasher, or be responsible for the family's laundry. (Assuming a similar family size.) Checklists have been very helpful here. They let him insure that he's not forgetting anything without feeling that we're nagging him.

We do use some educational DVDs and computer games, but no DVDs or computer time until they are done with school and chores! As for friends' and family's expectations, all I can say is that people can be unreasonable, and unless they are harassing your dc, there's not a lot you can do about it. It helps that I have one sister who does the online PS-at-home thing, and considers that home schooling, but the rest of the family thinks we're a little nuts. Of course, they already thought that anyway.

Picture Day

Picture Day

Don't worry that BB is left out. I'm saving the pictures of him for his birthday post next week.

Picture Day

Picture Day

Picture Day

Picture Day

Picture Day

Picture Day

Autism makes it difficult to get good family pictures. A photo session not only involves a disruption of his daily routine, going to a strange place filled with strange people, sights, and sounds, and bright flashes of light with a timing you can never exactly anticipate, it requires GL to do things that are difficult for him under any circumstances in this strange and chaotic environment: Make eye contact, "Look at me! Look at your brother! Look at Mom! Look at the camera!" (essentially a big, intimidating eye.) Make convincing socially acceptable facial expressions on command, and hold them for unnaturally long times.

GL does not naturally recognize facial expressions. We had to buy a computer program to train him to memorize their meanings and distinguishing features by rote. He has a limited repertoire of emotions, and an even more limited repertoire of facial expressions, anger, sadness, and confusion being the ones we see most often. If you ask him to smile, he usually has to put his hand on his mouth to feel whether he is smiling. He doesn't understand that the eyes can smile.

Even when he is cooperative and not angry, most shots end up with him looking away, squinting (avoiding eye contact), making an obviously forced smile, or staring vacantly. In a group photo, by the time we get a decent shot of him, our smiles look forced. A good photo of GL requires extra patience from the family and an understanding photographer who is willing to set aside his favorite techniques for those that work with GL, and still take longer to get a decent photo. A good family photo requires even more patience.

This is the second year we have used Portrait Innovations. Both times, we called ahead, explained GL's limitations, asked them to work with him, and scheduled our session for an off-peak time. There's a high turnover rate in this business, so you never know who you'll get, but for two years running, we've been happy with the results. This photo is a rare event: GL looks happy and relaxed, and is obviously there. He's looking at the camera, and his eyes are smiling.

Picture Day

Picture Day

Arby was right

In a recent post, Arby commented that students could learn without the political recruitment going on in some public schools. A public school teacher posted a snide comment, "God forbid that any student actually learn anything at a public school, right?" essentially accusing him of saying the opposite of what he just said. That's the problem with Democrats: when they come up with these non sequiturs, I can never tell if they're just trying to change the subject and doing it clumsily, or if they really are so stupid they actually believe what they're saying.

I was tempted to reply with a sarcastic comment of my own, but didn't for two reasons: 1. It's not my blog. Why turn the comments into a flame war when that might not be what the blog owner wants? 2. My mama always said, "Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

Arby let it lie for about two weeks, but it was bothering him, too, so he finally posted a rational response. It showed up in Google Reader, but when I went to comment, "Right on!" it had disappeared from his blog. So, while respecting his wishes on #1, I'll post my comment here. #2 doesn't apply because the commenter doesn't read this blog, and if she does, she can take a flying leap. If that offends you, you deserve to be offended. Now go away.

Essentially Arby's post pointed out (much more tactfully than I would have done, and with supporting data) that while individual public school teachers are talented and caring people, as a group, they don't seem to have time to teach reading, writing, and math, let alone science, history, and civics, but they somehow do find time (as a group) to recruit and train young socialists. With the word socialist, I leave Arby's well-written commentary and head off into my own editorial.

Yes, I said socialists. Look at Obama's agenda, then look at the policies in Europe he is trying to emulate. European politicians adopted socialist policies long ago, and are unashamed to call themselves socialists. But the Democrats know that Americans spent 50 years defending their country from attack by governments that practiced communism, the most virulent form of socialism, and that communism collapsed under its own weight. Communism has been so thoroughly discredited that no one believes in it any more except in Banana Republics and American universities. Yes, China is still Communist in name, but as they become more economically productive, they have had to adopt more and more capitalist policies. They have a draconian view of personal freedom, and they still persecute political and religious dissenters, so they are more nearly fascist.

Most Americans are still vaguely aware that there is some connection between socialism and communism, but the public schools have dumbed enough of them down enough that they only know these words as words. If you take all the principles of socialism and rename them say, "Steve" or "racial equality" or "casual Fridays", most students coming out of the public schools these days can't tell that they're still the same principles. Abraham Lincoln once responded to a question by asking, "Supposing you call a tail a leg, how many legs does a dog have?" "Five." was the answer. "No," said Lincoln, "calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."

Socialism is where we're headed because it's what the Demagogues want, and Baby Boomers counting on retiring en masse at 65 will betray their country for anyone who promises to protect their Social Security checks. And they have the votes to do it. (For the next twenty years, we'll have more people leaving the work force than entering it. That's when the real economic fertilizer will hit the fan.)

This is when the Demagogues start wringing their hands and claiming that all this Obama-bashing makes me a racist, and they really should be allowed to decide who does and who doesn't deserve free speech. No, to paraphrase another famous African-American, I voted against him based "not on the color of his skin, but on the content of his character."

Now before the Republicrats* get too smug, they are just as much to blame. The Demagogues have principles, no matter how shoddy and wrong-headed those principles are. The Republicrats don't. They make a big show of playing His Majesty's Loyal Opposition, but the closest thing they have to a principle is to automatically believe whatever the Demagogues believed ten years ago. Quislings.

*Re-public-rats. Double public rats. I like the sound of that.

Is Tennessee Worth $8.86?

I'm sure it is to some people, but here's our situation. This is the time of year when I do our income taxes and plan curriculum and therapies for the next 12 months. When our refund comes, I order materials for the year. (We don't follow the PS calendar.) If I don't buy something now, but decide we need it later, we might be able to afford it, but it will be a stretch. Trying to get everything we might need, but still stay within our budget, I stretch every penny until it looks like it's been through one of those pressed penny machines found at tourist sites.

I was planning to order a U.S. Map Puzzle. I remember putting one of these together as a kid. It helped me learn to locate the states on a map, recognize them by their outlines, and begin to memorize their capitals. Fitting together pieces shaped like the states just made sense to me. But then I thought I remembered we already had one. People who know we home school will often pass on anything remotely "educational" to us, in hopes we can use it. We've gotten a lot of neat stuff, some things we just passed on to others, and a few bits of absolute junk this way. The good stuff makes it all worth accepting and sorting through later. The problem comes with the stuff that looks promising but we aren't ready to use yet. If I leave it out, it may be worn out before we need it, but if I put it in storage, I may forget it's there.

I found it. The box was worse for wear, but the pieces were in good shape. I wondered if we had them all. One way to find out. I had BB put the puzzle together. It took him a while because he had never done it before, but he managed to fit all the states together by himself. I had to give him a few hints on the ocean pieces. Turns out we're only missing three pieces (all water) plus Tennessee. Now as much as l like having things complete, I can't help asking myself if this is a case where 98% is good enough. Assuming he learns all the other states, what is he really missing? Location? Right there, where the hole in the map is. Outline? Same shape as the hole. Kinda stands out, doesn't it? Principal industries? Yeah, like you know the principal industries of all fifty states and Puerto Rico. I'll just have to make sure he knows that the captial isn't Memphis.

Water Pack Updates

Here are some updates on the adventures of Water Boy. Now Water Boy has a flying car. The whole team has light sabers, and Goldilocks is in the Water Pack now. He's a character named Squirt. Then he'll yell, "STOP CALLING ME SQUIRT!" I also decided that before Fire Boy is a bad guy, he's a good guy, and in the Water Pack. He even has a flying surfboard. You're probably asking who the team will fight until Fire Boy becomes a bad guy. Well, I've figured out a couple of other bad guys. One is Gas Boy. He has different kinds of gasses to try to destroy the Water Pack with. Another is Soap Boy, who takes Bible truths and twists them.