Was your day this bad?

I was looking forward to participating in this feature, but couldn't find anything suitable in the last two weeks. Stress? Yes. Chaos? Absolutely. Hard work? Challenge? Check and check. But nothing really memorable, let alone funny. So I'm posting one from the archives. I've been blogging long enough that I have archives? How time does fly!

Arby 1, Papa Bear 0.

Trying Not to Laugh

Second day on new med. GL slept until 8 a.m. this morning. (He was up at 4 a.m. Saturday. He's been up between 2 and 5 most mornings lately.) He was scheduled to acolyte today. We never know how that will go; sometimes he does very well, and other times he has to be taken out part way through the service. We decided to try, because we are usually playing it by ear anyway.

First, we had to get his alb to fit. He is taller than most of the other acolytes, and has always had a disproportionately large head. They have kids' sizes, which won't go over his head easily, (he's got his head stuck in them more than once) and adult sizes, which drag on the ground, but nothing in between. I got him an adult size. The belt went around him 1 1/2 times, almost twice. I hitched up the robe, cinched it with the belt, and tucked in the free end. Before long, the belt loosened enough that the robe slipped, and he was treading on the hem. I asked for help, saying that we needed to fix his belt, so he wasn't stepping on the train. He objected loudly, "There aren't any trains in here!" and wouldn't quiet down until I assured him that all trains would stay on their respective tracks.

He was a taperer today, and he was a little confused about where to stand, because he has always been crucifer before. But he managed the first part of the service just fine, and slipped out for Sunday School during the sermon, which is his usual accomodation. When he returned, he had a hard time settling back in his seat. I went and sat behind him, which seemed to help. The service wasn't any longer than usual, but the longer it went, the more frustrated he became. I couldn't tell what he was upset about, and I don't think there was anything in particular wrong, he had just had enough, and was ready for the service to be over. He was whimpering, with occasional tears. He wanted to leave right now, and go ride the trolley, but he didn't want to miss Communion. He couldn't decide whether to stand up or sit down, whether to stay or go.

When we said, "Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again," he stood up and announced in frustration, "No, He won't!" I saw the whole front pew trying very hard not to laugh. I tried, unsuccessfully, also.

When the other acolytes went up to the altar, he wouldn't go, but he refused to leave without Communion. So I sat with him until the acolytes' turn to receive. We went up together and received with the acolytes. I whispered to the seminary student who was assisting, that GL needed to leave, and BB could replace him. He said, "That's okay, I'll carry the cross."

We went to hang up the alb, and BB met us, ready to take over. I told him he could help if he wanted to, but it was already covered. Our church offers a choice between Mogen David from the chalice and Welch's in tiny plastic cups. GL usually takes the Welch's. Because that wasn't ready, he drank from the chalice. I don't think he's ever tasted wine before. As we were leaving for the trolley, he said, "That was some grape juice!"

After we returned from the trolley ride, several people complimented GL on his good work. He may not do things the same way as the other acolytes do them, but he works a lot harder at it, and people seem to understand that. They also encouraged us to keep working at including him. We were invited to eat with a family from church. MB and BB went, which is refreshing for them, but GL and I had a much-needed quiet afternoon at home. We appreciated the invitation but, "Home's the best place for all people like me."

All Those Who Suffer in Body, Mind, or Spirit

It's hard to find a church when you have a child with autism. Many of the symptoms are behaviors that look like those of an unruly kid with clueless or uncaring parents. Some people try to straighten him up beyond his ability. Others try to straighten us up. One church told us that we were welcome, but if he couldn't act like the other Sunday School kids, he shouldn't come. As one friend whose son also has autism put it, "I don't recall Jesus saying, 'Suffer the little children to come unto me—unless they're autistic.'"

Once they learn that he has autism and can't help these behaviors, some expect us to just keep him quiet and out of the way. I've had a hard time feeling like part of any church myself. It's hard to worship God while spending the whole service trying to make sure other people aren't bothered by the occasional off-topic interjection. Even in churches that welcomed us as a family, I felt he was only tolerated, not fully part of the church, encouraged to participate as far as he was able.

I was raised Baptist, met my wife through IVCF, and we were married in an Evangelical Free church. Through a long series of events, we ended up in a church that is part of the Anglican Church in North America. Think Episcopal Church minus the leftist politics. Many in our congregation are former Baptists, Pentecostals, &c., so our style of worship is a combination of several traditions. I call it Angli-costal.

It's a young church, both in the sense that it is a recent plant, and that most of the families have children under age 12. Worship is mostly family-integrated. Children six and under go to Sunday School during the sermon, but are expected to participate in, or at least sit through, the rest of the service. Children age seven and up are expected to stay through the whole thing. I think this is healthy. Children are challenged to listen, sing, and pray with adults. Adults have to learn to be patient with children.

GL is allowed to go to Sunday School with the little kids. Sometimes he gets upset, and starts yelling, usually at no one in particular. If the teacher thinks it's getting out of hand, she comes and gets one of us, we sit with him for a few minutes, and he calms down. Only one teacher has ever done this. Last week, he seemed a bit agitated before Sunday School, so I was expecting to get called out of the service, but it never happened. I asked the teacher afterward how he did, and he said, "Fine. He's a delight to have in Sunday School. He just says what everyone else is thinking, but is afraid to say."

GL sits with us through the rest of the service. We sit in the back. But after Communion, (we have it every week, near the end of the service) I slip out with him, and we go ride the trolley. It's kind of a tourist thing that makes a loop around the neighborhood. No big deal, but it's cheap, and he really likes it. That gets him out of announcements and the closing hymn when he's already been as quiet and still as he gets for as long as he can stand.

Early this year, they asked us if he would like to be an acolyte. That means he would get a turn every few weeks to carry in the cross or one of the candles before the service, and carry it out at the end. The hard part for him would be sitting up front for the whole service, and postponing his trolley ride until after church. We talked it over, and decided we would try it if they would let us play it by ear, and let him come sit by us during the service, and just process in and out. Everyone was agreeable.

The first time he was scheduled to serve, I had one of the Scripture readings, so I was right behind him going in and out, and sat up front with him during the service. He wiggled a bit and asked about the trolley a few times, but on the whole it went pretty well.

Last night we had company and got to bed late. This morning, just as we got to church, we realized GL hadn't had his morning meds. MB thought I had given them. I thought she had. When we walked in, we learned that both GL and BB were scheduled to serve. Someone had forgotten to email us the schedule. With fear and trembling, we decided to let them try. Not that we were worried about BB.

They processed in and took their seats with minimal fuss. We somehow all forgot about not having him sit up front. They did fairly well in the early part of the service, although I had to slip up behind them once to remind GL to be quiet, and once to remind BB to stop telling GL to be quiet. When the Sunday School traveling music started, GL hopped up and went tearing down the aisle. No one had remembered to tell him he was supposed to stay up front, so we let it go.

He returned to the front after Sunday School. After a couple of small outbursts, ("I want to go ride the trolley." and "Stop smiling at me!") I slipped behind him to see if I could calm him. He kept talking about the trolley, but more quietly, and whenever I offered to take him, he insisted that he wanted to stay for Communion and the recessional. If you think he was too much of a distraction, note that about half of the children age 4 and under were crawling around under the chairs. He couldn't quite calm down, but he didn't want to leave, and as long as I was there, he kept it mostly under control.

So I knelt behind him, put my hand on his shoulder, and prayed. And wept. Through the rest of the service. Afterward, several people commented on how well he did. The Catechist, who is in charge of the acolytes, asked if we wanted him to continue to serve. I said that I didn't want him to be a problem, but we would like to include him as far as he was able, and that would vary from week to week. And also that he missed his meds this morning. He said, "Oh, don't worry. He was operating at a disadvantage. We're glad to have him."

Comfort and heal all those who suffer in body, mind, or spirit; give them courage and hope in their troubles, and bring them the joy of your salvation.

Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.