Wednesday, December 8, 2010

It Came upon a Midnight Wierd

(Cue "Decorations" from the album Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire by Bob Rivers.)

Decorations (Parody of Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys)

I, I love the colored lights every year,
And the way that neighbors stop their cars and stare.
I strap a Santa Claus on my roof—
Plastic candy canes and reindeer everywhere.

I’m stringing up decorations,
It’s draining the power stations,
Fake icicle light formations,
Imported from third world nations.

I’m stringing up decorations,
I’m freaking out fire stations,
I’m pumping out radiation,
My neighbors are out of patience.

“Hey, pal, come on knock it off…It’s three in the morning!”

Got to keep those yuletide decorations up all winter,
God appreciates my plugged-in tribute to The Savior,
God would love it if I could keep ‘em up till well past Easter.


Good, good, good decorations:
I’m putting up a manger station—
Three wise men’s destination,
Nutcrackers in full claymation,
Little Drummer Boy animation.


Good, good, good decorations
I’m stringing up decorations,
It’s draining the power stations,
Fake icicle light formations
Imported from third world nations...
(fade out)

Okay, now that I've set the proper mood,  (exaggerated announcer voice): Come to the Cavalcade of Bad Nativities! The finest Christmas Kitsch for all your shopping needs! Click on Page 1, Page 2, and Page 3 to see the True Meaning of Christmas—the story of Jesus' birth retold in art so tasteful, it would make Liberace blush! All presented with snarky Cake Wecks–style commentary that would warm the Grinch's heart! But wait! There's more! New for 2007: Cavalcade of Bad Nativities II! Three more pages of Bad Nativities for your viewing pleasure! But that's not all! We know you love Christmas. We know you love Jesus. So we know you must also love Angels. Of course you love angels! Who doesn't love angels? I mean, how could you not love angels? Click now, and we'll show you not one, not two, not three, not four, but five, yes, five pages of angel pictures absolutely free! Tacky angels! Creepy angels! Fiber-optic angels! Thomas Kinkade angels! They're all part of our special holiday bonus package, Angels We Have Heard Are High. This complete collection is not available in any store! Unlimited time offer! Avoid disappointment! Visit today!

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Blogger Brownie said...

So I have a question: did someone spike your eggnog?? LOL

Very odd. Yes, odd. Links are, um, odd.

Thanks for the laugh!

December 9, 2010 at 8:12 PM  

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